Authors Note: This is a story, fiction, for entertainment. The template is focused on Yoruba land. Happy reading.
AMERICANA'S DIARY I: SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
"There is difference between separation and divorce" - Yinka Adeyemo.
You know some of us do not know the difference between these two words, but those who lived in advance countries know the differences and he was reliving the differences to me last Sunday while chatting...
Then, I cannot but say, "whao" eyibo (translation white) people with their many modifications to issues...
And em, you know that is what happened to some married Nigerians when they get to those advanced countries and "em", one has to be doubly convinced of one's love, one's partner before one gets there, or else by the time a one time love birds get to those places story would change, and "em” you will just discover that a hubby would be transferring your call to his or her one time lover… "em", that is what usually happen.
Then, I said I don't want that kind life, "em" our parents don't teach us such things, "em" the faith on which we were brought up in in this part of the land does not teach us that you know,...
Some people are terrible Segun, some people cannot be trusted immediately they leave here you know "em" and you know such things are gradually happening here too you know, "em", that is sort of advancements, modernization.... You know... #TryingToImmitateAmericana.
As we continued to discuss about this raised topic, difference between separation and divorce, my friend, Adeyemo Yinka, now raised some trending issue in the nation, our locality, I mean talking about Nigeria, the issue raised was the rate at which some women are now killing their husbands and ditto for husbands the statistics of that in the recent time has exceeded 100%, and this was not like that in the past, say about 15 or more years ago, nothing like this was in vogue then.
“Em”, well, this may be due to increased knowledge as the bible says,…
Yinka interjecting said, “or may be we should say because of the increased in technology…
“Uhmn!”, I said
“Em”, you see, technology has increased so much that this has infiltrated into so many aspects of our lives in Afica. It now depends on how individuals will make use of the increased in knowledge and technology, some do use the knowledge they have adversely and that is what is bad.
“I see”, I said
“Consider the case of a Barrister, a lady who is a lawyer whom we heard that killed her husband recently, or don’t you hear about the news?”, Yinka asking me as he sips a bottle of water
“It is a well broadcasted news and anyone who do not hear that may have been living in Sambisa forests, totally in the darkness”, I replied.
“Thank you friend, “em”, what I wanted to bring out for bringing out her issue is that assuming there is something like this separation in place in this part of the world may be that would not have happened…”
I interjected, “Ewo lo tun nsọ yi?” (translation: what is this that you are again saying)
“I know what I am saying, assuiming there is room for separation, you know they would have been separated, but yet not divorced, and during this time of separation they would have a time to reflect over their relationship, over their living together, do they wish to continue to live together as hubby and wife, this they would have been internally and individually perusing after which they would arrive at a final conclusion whether or not they like to live together or nay.”
“Uhmn mn, I think I am getting you”, I said.
“You know the news had it that the marriage after few days wedding was far from being what they expected, they must have started with bickering, nagging, from there to recurrent fights, which people had to wade in not once nor twice, at that point, they should have been advised on separation, but you know the religious nature of our land, I think the people, the priests kept on admonishing them to keep holding on, they will be citing some instances for them, but instead of things working out, things go from bad to worse until the woman attacked the man with dangerous weapon, killing the man…”
“It is quite unfortunate”, I said, sipping my coke drink
“If they had been separated, they will go their ways, after all the woman has her job, the man also had his job, thus to get apartment would not have been difficult for individual one of them, while apart they would have time to reflect on their relationship, “can I still continue to live with this man without me fighting him?”, the woman would reflect on this alone, while the man would also be recurrently asking himself, “can I continue to live with this woman without beating her, can I continue to love her as I had once been doing?”. After several days or months of living apart, asking this questions, they may be able to think on where they have gotten it wrong and what to do to make amendments before being brought together again, and if after months like this they discovered that they cannot live happily together again, they can now be legally divorced. And I think this is better than what happened. We would not have lost an intelligent person a brain who may of course be the one who will lead this nation out doldrums tomorrow, and as per the woman, her image would not have been tainted as it has, and she will be able to continue with her profession without fear or favour, but as it is now, her image has been dented and apart from that she may not be verily useful in the society again.
“I understand. But religion has been the bane here, religion has always have a say in something like this”, I said.
“I know quite well having been raised up here, but I think we are ,moving to a stage where we shall be considering the well being of people more than that now, so that we will give lovers time to reflect on their status, for who knows someone amongst them may have been lying before they became married, so someone amongst them may have been forced on the other person, you know so many factors come into play in the issue of marriage, …”
Interjecting, I said, “or someone amongst them may have used charm to marry the other person”
“Yes, that is it, that is a possibility, the use of demonic powers to get a spouse to be married to you thinking that well you have been married and married for ever as the song they used to sing. With this in the in their mind they will think nothing can get them separated again, meanwhile everyday may be it is the woman who is not happy or may be it was the man who had not been happy with the woman, if something like is in place they will think that instead of becoming a murderer it is better to be separated after all there is no continuation of marriage in heaven, and when this is done they would both be happy”, Yinka enthused.
“Now, to corroborate what you have just said, how many of those who may have been counseling them against being separated then did we hear that got involved in their issue after it happened?”, I said
“Oh ho ho”, Yinka said
“The woman was on her own to address her issues herself, that is how the world is. They will keep advising you to do something, but when the problem started you wont see any of them again, they will leave you alone to bear your burdens”, I said
“Occasionaly may be one can find one or two people asking about the issue”, Yinka added
“Yes sir! Occasionally that is the word. They will continue to live their lives, they will completely forget all about you, you will have been deleted from their memory from their Central Processing Unit system…”
Interjecting, Yinka said, “Umn mn”
“You know that is part of the thing that happened to me in the university. All of the people who were advising, all of the people who were saying this and that, immediately the trouble strated, we were left alone, no one remembers us again, no one comes to our aid again…. One would think okay oh if they cant come to our aid while in the institution but now that they are a graduate why cant they?” I said
“Even why in the institution why cant they? It shows the selfish nature of man. It shows that words are cheaper than being practiced.” Yinka added.
“That is it “ọrẹ” (translation friend), what I am even saying is this even let us assume like how the academics setting was then and the course we were studying which placed those lecturers as gods who cannot be questioned, let us assume they do not want to fail their courses then, they were afraid, but now that they have finished what stopped them from assisting us financially, what stops them from doing one or two things for us? At least their money is theirs no one can take that from them again what they have achieved or become cannot be taken away from them, but in the stead of doing this what happened, neglect, reject, looking down upon…”
“Jesu yio se daradara fun wa (translation Jesus will do well for us) Segun do not think about them again”, Yinka said
“Amen ọrẹ, one cannot but remember such at times, but what I am saying I hope you get, what I am saying is that those pastors or whomsoever it was then counseling them to be enduring the beatings and regular fighting then could not be there for them again, we did not see them surfacing when the unthinkable happened and the woman was sentenced, no one will want to be associated with her again, those advising them then I foresee that some will even say they have counseled them to be separated, meanwhile they never did, but they will say that to save their faces.” I added
“Bile aiye se ri niyẹn o (translation, that is how (the people of) the world is)”, Yinka said.
“I think from what you have said, I got what separation means and what divorce means, and I cannot but support it in some instances when there is regular fire burning in the house, in a family, it will be better if they part their ways for the time being other than killing each other which in the eyes of the law would make one murderer sentenced to death…” I said
“That is it oh”, Yinka said, adding, “the developed people have passed through these phases and they are doing things that would make life easier for them not things that would make life a complicated one more than it has already be” Yinka said.
As I gulped down the remaining contents of my coke drink, I asked, “will you still be around tomorrow?”
“Em”, I cant precisely say, this is because, my sister and I wanted to go to some places tomorrow to go and do some things”, He replied
“Okay then. That means we shall be talking on phone or whats-app then”, I replied.
“That would be okay by me. After our going out tomorrow, next tomorrow, I will be leaving for Ibadan from where I will go to Lagos and leave for the States”, Yinka said.
“I wish you a safe trip in Jesus name.” I said
“Amen”, he replied.
“The social media have made the world a small place, we shall be contacting on whats-app then…., let me take my leave, I want to see a lady at Airport area”, I said, as I stood up.
“Okay that is good. Greet daddy for me, I really, really appreciate your coming today” as he stands up, to see me to the bus-stop where I will board taxi…
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