Some of The Things to Note And Know About Marital Delays
You may have been disturbed on the issue of your marriage, or may be I should say people have been pressurizing you to be married and which you have taken this as one of the topmost priorities now, if not only the only priority. It is good but, in the real sense you need to know that there are some things that you need to fix, inability to fix those things would continue to become a problem to you to fulfilling this aspect of your life.
1. Financial Liberty: People have been saying that the first ten things that women know is money, money, money… do you supposedly think it is a lie? More than ten men or brothers who have been married have said this, even if I do not know of anything I know that my friend whom presumably I do not expect to say that equally stated that months back. Although he said it indirectly, subcortically so to say because he does not want to look as if his wife is pressurizing her into anything, but none the less he said it. Having heard what he said, I thence know it is no lie that the first ten things on women (or ladies lists) is money. I want to say that, if you are also wise you ought to learn from those who have been married and know that what they are saying is no fallacy at all and be prepared for this.
Based on this, it is clear that one of the things that would show your readiness as a man for this wonderful status ordained and established by God is your financial liberty, financial freedom, you need it.
And if for any reasons you looked at yourself and discover that you as a man you are yet to be at financial liberty, if you found out that you cannot cannot spend common #500:00 (five hundred naira ($1.5) without looking over your shoulders, without being afraid of what your father/mother/uncle would say or your business partner, then I do not think you are ready for this trip in the present world.
You should know that your inability to spend a token without being questioned on of how you have spent it shows to a great extent your unreadiness and that would not work for the establishment of a new home which you hope to lead.
Ask yourself this question, do you think your wife/spouse would love that? Do you think your wife would want that? When you do not want that yourself, how much more your woman? She would not want that the truth be said. Women (or spouses) are extremely jealous and protective of their spouses not to mention that they love to show off their spouses, even if not by mouth, but by their actions to show that they have not fallen into the wrong path, into wrong hands.
2. Religion: as a person who considers himself or herself ripe for marriage you also need to get it right that religion plays a vital role at home. How do I mean? Some religion allows for their sons to married into their fathers’ houses having come of age but yet to be gainfully employed, but this cannot be said to be true of all religions.
Some ladies also do not care about this, based on their religion and how they have been brought up, but this couldn’t be said to be true of all, most especially those from the Christian families. Although situation like this is also changing these days considering the on going recession globally, but yet to some degree, some believers still frown at this, marrying into one’s parents/uncles etc house,
3. Accommodation: the above has led us to this third point and it is the issue of accommodation. You really, really, need an accommodation, if you are thinking about this. This would quintessentially give you a room to accommodate your female friends without looking over your shoulders, without care. When you have an accommodation, you will be able to see spinsters in your area, I mean in the environment which you are living in who will pick interest in you. If one does not pick interest in you, another lady will, even younger, than those you are eyeing at the moment, but with you under your parents/uncles roofs, this may not happen. Let us assume that some are showing interest in you, the effrontery neither the audacity would be there to pay you a visit for fear of an intruder. Thus, as a man who thinks of himself to have come of age, getting an accommodation is not an option to you getting a spouse.
4. Indifferent Ladies: As stated above, there may be ladies who will not mind whether you are under your parent’s roofs or living alone, even Christian sisters. I know there are Christian sisters or ladies like that, but to be sincere with ourselves, you need to know that such ladies are very few. If you are now looking for someone like that this may take time, and it may mean that such a one whom you will eventually get may have been verily familiar with you from your teenage days so to say. If such a one who has been familiar with you for long sees that you are yet to be accommodated and she is interested in you, such a lady may be indifferent to where you live at the moment. She is indifferent not because of anything but, because she has one way, or another know your disposition to life before. But for someone who is new to you such a one would want to have access to you, would not want any obstacles between her and you and would as such prefer you are alone. We again could find someone new, a new lady, a lady who is just knowing you to be indifferent to where you are living now, but they are rare. Getting a lass who will not mind whether you have accommodation or not is a possibility, but you must look forward to getting an accommodation to give free access to the lady’s entrance into your territories without fear or favour.
5. Advice Based on Being Engaged: When some advice that you get married immediately, they maybe basing their counsel on this that you are already engaged because of the female friends that you have. And they would not be wrong to give such counsel knowing that you are old enough to be married. But in the case, you are yet to be engaged, you will know that such a counsel could not be taken to.
Thus, anyone who is already engaged and who is having difficulties with some necessaries of life before taken in his spouse, the people would counsel that the lady knows you and would understand with you, and they will advise that the lady be taken in and get that phase over with,
6. Mockery: on another note, those who know you are single and not engaged and are pressurizing you to get married now are those who are mocking you they are those who are not sincere with you. Because anyone who is sincere and true to the calling of you being married as soon as soon can be would prove that, by being financially committed to this achievement, they will come forth to support you financially.
7. Not A Teenager: A person who is considered ripe for marriage is someone who is considered to have been matured, someone whom people see to have been matured, such a one has left the stage (or age) of teenage hood. This is because a teenager who gets engaged would indirectly put the responsibility of the relationship on his parents. Have you left teenage stage? Are you an adult in mind? Are you matured to handle a woman and a relationship? If you are not you are yet a baby and a teenager.
8. Demons: Bible talks about demons, so I believe there are demons. Demons are the fallen angels, the angels who followed Satan while revolting against God. These spirits have different forms of manifestations and it is believed in this part of the world that sometimes work to hinder people from making progress in life, they work to prevent people from coming across the man or woman they love and would like to be settled down with.
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Eph. 6:12)
But those demons and powers of the devil can be addressed by the name of Jesus because God has given believers a name that is above all names, which is the name of Jesus Christ.
“Wherefore God hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name;
“That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;
“And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:9-11)
Jesus Himself stated that,
“And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues” (Mark 16:17)
Joh 14:13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
Joh 14:14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.” (Joh. 14:13-14)
When one prays in the name of Jesus and casts out those demons, they bow and listen to the name of Jesus they will definitely flee from you.
9. Curses: Curses and spells also affect people from getting settled in time, from getting married in time. Those curses and spells have associated demons, it is those demons that continue to monitor the curses that have been placed on the person ensuring that the person keeps revolving round a position without making an appreciable progress in that area. And in some instances, they work indirectly by blocking the careers of the person, the source of wealth of the person, the person’s progress, knowing that when there is no progress how would the person be able to think of something like that. To address this too, Jesus name has been given.
“Behold I have given you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you” (Luke 10:19)
The bible says, as believers in the name of Jesus Christ we have been given power to thread on serpents and scorpions and as if that is not alone it is added that we are given power over “all the power of the enemy”, this includes those demons at work, those demons behind the curses, it includes those curses, we the name of Jesus is used, they will be silenced. They would definitely be silenced because,
“Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us; for it is written, cursed is everyone that hangeth on a tree” (Galatians 3:13)
Other names and powers would fail you, but this wont fail you, the name of Jesus will not fail you. Trust in the name, use the name regularly.
10. Covenants: when people are under negative covenants they would also find it hard making further advancements in life until the covenants be broken. Those covenants too like curses have demons link to them and the blood of Jesus Christ. We need to know that the blood of Jesus has wiped as well as broken all covenants according to the book of Galatians 3:13. Above all if you are truly saved you are in a new covenant with the Lord God Almighty.
“For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be unto them a God, and they shall be to me a people” (Hebrews 8:10)
You as God’s son, are in a new and sure covenant with the Lord now, the old covenants have been annulled and you have to be seeing yourself in that light, you have to always know that Jesus Christ has blot out demonic handwritings and covenants against us out.
“Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;
“And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it” (Colossians 2:14-15)
11. Use of Supports: some people do now want people to assist them in this issue of getting spouse and maintaining the relationship. But sincerely speaking there is no crime using supports to get a spouse, as it is known that Isaac got his spouse through a mediator, the culture of the land also gives room for that, thus at times, such may be required by people, even those who are not in dire need of getting someone to marry, I mean teenagers those who still have more years ahead could use this. In using this may be the person is not sure about what she or he is dealing with and the person may want to validate what she or he is dealing with before going head long into the damn relationship, thus the need of supports, thus anyone who needs support should not shy away from it and do not consider such a weakness on your part see it as a means of God fulfilling what you desire through other means, consider Jesus Christ, for the continuation of the gospel he is also using the human supports, yes he can do it all, but he considered it wise, better using the support of humans to get to the uttermost parts of the world with the gospel. Some people may want to mislead you about this, but please do not be misled, remember that Isaac also got his spouse through a slave of his father, will the slave afterwards be bragging about this? I do not so think, but the slave would be happy for his master’s son that he is happily living with the woman he got for him. (Genesis 24)
12. Personality: Some used to think that something is wrong with them when they are being cautious on whom to get involved with. But this should be gotten clear that there is nothing wrong with your personality as you may have thought, by you being cautions, by you not being sexually involved with any lady or guy as your other mates have done before. That does not mean stupidity, that is what the Christian religion teaches, that is what the apostles teaches as being God’s ordained way.
Again because you find it extremely hard not to tell lies to get a spouse does not mean weakness, not exaggerating to be involved with ladies does not mean weakness even though some ladies may think so, but it is not weakness, it is one of the attributes of God in demonstration in a child of God’s life and this will invariably attract a Godly minded lady to you. So do not consider that weakness on your part or that you are not destined for marriage afterall (except if you genuinely wanted to cease from marrying as Jesus said in Matthew 19:12), but you should see how people are behaving that it is revealing the depravity of the world systems and the nature of man; in addition you should be well aware of this that there are people out there like you are who will still be mindful of God in all they are doing even when they ought not to be because of pressures from here and there most especially when time is no longer there. You should therefore not consider yourself as the only one in that line because doing this would be grave error on your path as it happened unto prophet Elijah when he thought he was the only one left defending the cause of the Gospel, God had to tell him that he wasn’t the only one, there are thousands of others left still referencing him alone, still worshipping him alone. (I King 19:18; Romans 11:2-4). This is showing that as you have remained steadfast with the Lord, stick out your neck for him, the Lord would not be ashamed to always honour your words, the Lord will not be ashamed to always be called your father.
13. Age: as a guy stated one day that “age is just a number”. You have to know that the state of the mind really matters in everything in life. Individual’s state of the mind would determine whether the person would still look fresh and young, even younger than his or her numerical age. If the state of mind of someone has outgrown his/her age, the person would look frail and older than his/her numerical age, and that is when problem arises, because the person may actually been looking at the age while the body would be telling another thing to the outsiders, check the state of heart of the person who loves you and whom you are in love with, this will go a long way
14. Experience: we cannot totally rule out the fact that lack of experience in the past too may have been a cause of this delay in you getting someone. Lack of experience in the sense that some think that waiting for someone for years really matter. Sometimes it does not worth it because someone who asks for loyalty, someone who asks that she or he be waited for may not even think of that again after a while. But if someone keeps on with this, she or he is keeping one because of his/her lack of experience.
However, if someone has made a covenant with another person, such a one may wait for the person, but if otherwise, it is not advisable that one waits for anyone, human beings would come and give you stories after they have jilted you after they have gone with someone else, and if you are the one waiting you will be on the losers end so to say, because to start with someone again, to begin afresh with a spinster or a guy may not be easy, the time may have passed over, so many developments may have happened that you will find it extremely hard for you to fit in to if the Lord does not be on your side. Look at this recent technological developments and changes all over the world, who could have said something like this would be in place today about thirty years ago? Such is what I am saying.
Therefore, always know that no human being is like Jesus Christ who said we should wait for his arrival and which believers are doing up until now. We should know that humans for myriads of reasons would change their decisions and would come only to beg you for disappointing you, for breaking the said word. When this happens, you won’t be able to do another thing order than blame yourself, seeing yourself a fool for waiting for those years.
15. Dreams/Visions/Revelations: The belief that God will always reveal the person one wants to marry too has also brought some this kind of set back. People mostly brethren need to learn from this kind of disposition too. If you see anything and the concerned person or persons feel otherwise about the revelation, then you need to go ahead with your life, you need to start looking for someone else. But some instead of doing this would continue to linger on this dream or vision or whatever by which times would have roll by. This cannot be totally rule out as one of the things that bring about delay in some people getting married early. Delay in this crucial aspect gives the affected persons restlessness, and you have to advanced over such status.
16. Academic Pursuit: this is seriously also has affected people’s marital life because their minds would always be there to break the barrier but we have to know that the world is fast changing and there are part time studies which are equally good, which are helpful and this will not stop this aspect of life. I think such is happening in the advanced climes thus making them not to lose out many years as we usually do here.
When you are pursuing something like this and it seems as if it is not working the way you think, what you need to do is go about it through some other means. How do I mean? What I mean is instead of going as a full-time student you can apply for part time courses by this you will be making advancements and other areas of your life would not be affected. What matters in life is ensuring that you are not static.
17. Traveling Out: thinking about traveling out too do bring delay in getting married, getting engaged because anyone who does not want to leave anything behind when he or she travels out may not want to be engaged because when such is engaged, she or he would leave something and infact someone behind. If you can thus know that whatsoever God does he does and whatever he does not do cannot be done, this would assist you in the issue of traveling out will thus be open minded as well as pursuing what is on hand vigorously, remember the people used to say a bird at hand is better than thousands in the wilderness.
18. Prayer: A person who discovered that he is ripe for marriage would at a certain juncture, not make the issue of praying on marital life a secondary prayer point but you will make it a singular prayer point the topmost prayer point on which others are added or sometimes not added at all. Just like the case of a person who has lost money or a sheep as Jesus puts across the story to us in the bible, such a person would leave all other things at the moment to go in search of the lost coins or sheep and when such is found the person would be happy.
“What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
“And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
“And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.” (Luk. 15:4-6)
19. Being Responsible For Other Siblings Financial Status: Some do have delays in getting married because they have been the sole person responsible for the financial upkeep of their family and they know that when they get married at that time it may be difficult for them to meet with those challenges and obligations as such they decide to sacrifice this aspect of their lives for the time being so that their family members would be delivered.
20. Divine Involvement: Sometimes some couldn’t get married readily where they were because of God’s involvement in the journey of their lives. What I am saying is that some people’s spouses are not in the same country as they are, their spouses by divine ordination is not of their tribe neither race. Their spouse may outrightly be someone from another continent. These kinds of people may be trying to get a spouse or may have even gotten a spouse before the relationship breaks. And when such happens such a person would be at a fix as per what to do, becoming confused of what is happening but unknown to them that God’s plan for them is to leave where they are for where their spouse is or delaying them until their spouses come to where they are or even get connected through some other means. To people like this, their kind of delay may not be associated with any of the above, but essentially from the Superior Power and Authority, the Power that rules in the affairs of men.
Writer’s Note
These are some of the things that is causing delay in getting married by some people and I really pray as we see these, the Lord will help us navigate those curves and bends as well as giving us a breakthroughs in Jesus name. Amen.
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