Stop Running From Your Shadow
Some years ago, I was an undergraduate in the University of Lagba in the Republic of Bingo. I was one of the promising student in my department, but during the second semester of my 200 Level in the university I started noticing something weird. I discovered that I started having nightmares I would find myself amid people that I do not know, where they would tie some people to the poles and started beating (whipping) them. Where I am in their midst my mind would be agitated, sometimes I would make attempt at trying to rescue those people, but I would discover that I cannot rescue them, and when they see that I made an attempt at wanting to rescue the person they were beating they would turn to me and started beating me, leaving the person.
Another terrifying dream is that I would discover that I am being pursued by strange people, those kinds would be armed to their teeth with several weapons of war while I wouldn’t have anything on me with which to defend myself, they will keep pursuing me until I open my eyes. Sometimes they will catch up with me, arrest me and started dragging me to an unknown venue. While dragging me to where I would be punished, I would open my eyes, panting and sweating.
These unknown features and people in some instances would be at a place talking in a language that I do not know while I would see myself hiding at a place, behind the tree or sometimes behind the window of the room where they were discussing. Soon they will stop their discussion and look out of the window, when they see me they will start to shoot arrows at me, and if it is when I was hiding behind a tree, they will look toward where I am as if something tells them that I am there, they will start walking towards the area, for fear I would leave where I am hiding and started fleeing and they will start pursuing me, start shooting arrows at me.
The dangerous trend of dreams continued in during my studentship days until when the examination period draweth nigh. Meanwhile, before the examination begins, I have been finding it hard to read my books and assimilate them. Me, who used to finish the assignments given us in my level before others could dare venture into it couldn’t do any assignment on my own without the assistance of colleagues.
At the initial I did not count it to be something, but one day when I was talking with friend on an assignment that a lecturer has given us, one of my mates said, “Micro hope there is no problem with you?” looking directly into my eyeballs. “Why do you ask?”, I asked her. She replied that, “I do not think this is the Micro I knew in 100 Level even unto the 200 Level first semester days”. The person who was solving the question for us keeps writing on the board listening alongside others, about 5 of them. I seem not to understand what she was saying, so I replied her that “Digiti, could you please go straight because I am at a loss of all this you are saying”.
“What I am saying is that I have been noticing you for sometimes since this semester begins and I have seen that you are different, you are not the same Micro in new in 100 Level neither the first semester of this level because you don’t wait for us before you solve any question before but now, contrary is the case, even when we are discussing here, you seem to be at a loss, you ask some questions that me, who sees myself lower to you academically won’t ask. I have been worried about you” she conclusively said.
After she said this, others too could not but agree with her, saying she was correct and that they have been looking at me too, that I seem not to be myself most of the times that I used to look worried always, what could be the matter with you, they also put their mouth into what Digiti said by asking.
“Uhm mm. I get you now,” I replied them, continuing, “I am physically well, but it is just that since the beginning of this second semester, I have been having nightmares this always makes me uneasy”, I replied them.
You do not have to play with something like this, they all said, work on it before the examination comes so that you won’t be at loss they said as we continued our discussion on the assignment.
After replying them, I know that things are not easy with me, if these people who are my tutorial partners could notice that things are not the same with me academically, it may mean that others too have been noticing this but they couldn’t talk to me because we are not as close as these people are to me.
Previously
My name is Seglo, but during my 100 Level days in the University of Lagba, my friend on seeing my work on micro-organisms, how I used to simplify the topics on the studies of micro-organisms to them they started calling me Micro. The name Micro eventually became pronounced when one of our lecturers declared to all that I am the one who led the set in the examination on Micro. During the second semester, some people, those who have attended some other colleges and Universities before crossing over to University of Lagba tried to overtake me in the Micro subjects but they couldn’t achieve that, and as if I was beside the lecturers setting the examination, the percentage for which I surpassed them in the second semester was up to 15%, showing that I know the subject more than they were.
This trend continued in the first semester of the second year, and at this time none of them dare compete with me in the subject but things changed during the second semester and that was what Digiti is raising.
Digiti is also one of the brilliant ladies of our set and we became close during the registration in the 100 Level. Her name is Shade, she is extremely good in Mathematics that we are being taught in 100 Level. Since we have come to be friends in 100 Level it was our joy seeing that both of us are among the top people in our set and level.
It was because she was good in Mathematics that makes the members of our set to be calling her Digiti which is the simple form of Digits, numbers, by that they are saying she is good in anything that has to do with numbers.
Being close people were thinking that we have been romantically involved with each other. But nothing like this happened between us.
Hoping Against Hope
After what Digiti raised, and what I said in response to their observation, thanking them and hopefully minding that I will look whatever it is the issue was, we continued with our discussion and as she rightly said, I asked questions repeatedly, taking them back the line they thought they had passed.
After the tutorial, we all sat down to write out all that we have discussed because the paper would be submitted the following day by each student to the lecturer’s pigeon hole.
While writing my findings, I cannot but continue to think about what she said and my mind races around to know what I would do to rectify the situation, how I would bring myself back on track. It takes the person who loves you to show you that you are not the same person whom you once were, but for those who do not like you, they won’t talk about it, some would be saying another thing, they may be saying he isn’t brilliant before, he doesn’t know the work before, it may mean that the lecturer serve into his hand, while some may be saying he has seen an “expo”, meaning he has privy knowledge of the questions before they were set for the students.
This is common then, people do have privy knowledge of some of the lecturers’ questions before we start the examination. They use the typists and some other office attendants to get the knowledge of the question. This I do not know about until later when I started hearing how and what some of our mates are doing to get knowledge of the questions that would be set for us.
I started to think some people would be thinking like this, that I used to see questions ahead of time before.
After the submission of the assignments I was praying inside of me that the situation would be changed, but the situation remains as it were, having nightmares, being beaten in the dream sometimes eating some things in the dream. By the time I woke up I would be too tired, and my head would be big such that I would be feeling that a load of about 100 kilogram or more is on my head. I would be weak, I wouldn’t be able to read and when I even read to assimilate becomes herculean task.
The examination is around the corner and I tried as best as I could to make use of Digiti to put me through so many things. She tried her best in ensuring that she passes the knowledge she knows across to me, but then at that, I couldn’t retain many of what she said.
During the examination period I found it extremely hard to put things down in the examination hall. Many times, I would just bend down my head pretending to be writing whereas I wasn’t writing anything.
We finished the examination and I know that things were not the same with me, I know the result even before they were released. Some people however thought there may be miracles for me, but I know there could hardly be any kind of such miracle for me. Despite that however, one mind within me still gives me assurances that things may work well.
When the results were released, just as I had been thinking, my scores plummeted, and this affected my cumulative grade such that the grade fell drastically.
Fire on My Mountain
The release of the grade shows that there is fire on my mountain that I need to do something about the worrying situation that wants to destroy my life. Digiti and other friends who have known little about what I am passing through advised me that nightmare is a spiritual thing and for me to overcome it, I need to address it spiritually, “you cannot address spiritual with physical”, they said.
I was introduced to some student pastors and some Christian leaders whom I went to, to seek solution to what has been holding my academics by the jugular. Several prayers and fasting were chosen for me to observe, all of which I did. Some other Christian leaders conducted on me deliverances. After all of them finished what they know how to do they will assure me that there wouldn’t be any iota of problems again. I believed them because I hardly had nightmares again.
I therefore was full of hope that things have changed for better for me and that the next session, which is 300 Level, that I am going into, I will take over my position among the comity of academic brilliant ones in my department and most especially my level.
Though I seem not to be having nightmares again as I used to, but things never changed for me academically as I had assumed it would be when the first session of the 300 Level begins.
I tried to raise this up with my people and those of the Christian leaders whom I had spent the majority if not all my holidays with. They assured and re-assured me that it would be fine, but deep within me, I knew things were not fine.
When the examination was conducted, it became clear that I was going to leave the department and the institution. By the end of that session, my grade fell such that there was no option other than being asked to withdraw from the institution by authorities of the school.
Education is Not The Only Way
After being asked to withdraw from the institution, I sat down to ruminate on what has passed and I know I have done my best in seeing that the problem got resolved and since it wasn’t resolved resulting in the withdrawal, I couldn’t sit idly by doing nothing, I started thinking on the way forward.
Some people came to advise me that I should give it, academics a trial again, “we all know you capability, we all know your academic brilliancy, we know you can do this, fallen once does not mean you cannot do it, when one falls from a horse one should rise up again and climb the horse” they said.
But, deep within me, I know at that point in time if I said I should return to the academic world what happened before would repeat itself. I therefore told them that I will give what they have told me a trial.
I thought deeply about this, but I discovered that the situation hasn’t changed but they cannot know this, it is me, who is passing through it that knows what I am experiencing.
After long stay in this position, I was called by my parents that I cannot continue living with them without doing anything, “academics is a means to an end, but it is not an end in itself, there are several other ways to get to an end without certificate neither academics” they said.
“Uhm”, I said while listening to them speak to me very early morning that Saturday morning before other members of the family wake up for morning devotion as they continued.
“So, you have to make decision on what you want to do, you can learn a trade, after all majority of those who are wealthy in our town and our republic never stepped into the corridors of the classrooms not to talk about getting to university. The farther that some of them reached was primary school level…” I continued to look at them, listening patiently as they continued, “so, do not see yourself a failure you have stepped ahead of them in attaining to where you have attained today, at least you have knowledge of university, they do not have that, neither does your mother”, my father touching my mother who is sitting by him, “nor me” he placed his right palm on his chest, “had university experience, but we thank God for hitherto he has helped us, we are no push overs in our family, God has blessed us through our business”. My father enthused
“You may decide to join your father’s business”, my mother said, looking at me she continues, “age is no longer on his side, someone needs to take over the business from him, you can start off from where he is now, injecting into the business some of the things you have learnt in the university into it”, she concluded.
I couldn’t say a word, I was just looking flashing my mind back to the pasts, “me who was one of the best in my secondary school as well as leading student in the first three semesters spent in the university has now been withdrawn from the race”. My thought was interrupted by what my father said, “won’t you say something Seglo?”
“I heard all that you have said, please give me a time to think about this”, I replied.
“Think fast about it, we know God would make your way prosperous”, my father said as he and his wife, my mother stand up to leave my room.
Nothing Comes Easy in Life
After 72 hours of thought, I told myself, that age is not on my side again, and that I need to toe another path, and if it be the desire of God that I get a certificate in the future I can still get it, because I am a man. After 144 hours of thinking, I went to them and told them that I have resolved that I will do the business that they are doing. They were happy primarily that I resolved to get the situation behind me and secondarily because I wanted to toe their line of business.
On the 10th day, my father called me and started by saying that one of our teachers when I was in Modern School used to say that “nothing in life is as easy as it looks, everything takes a little time longer”, thus after careful consideration of what you have said, I will want you to go and learn this business from one of my business sons for about 6 months. Garner some experience from him too, and at the expiration of your stay with him, I will set you up, because I know you have some knowledge about this business from us too”, he concluded.
On the twelfth day, I was sent to the man, I stayed with him and learnt some things about business in his area too. Soon enough the 6 month is completed, and I returned to my parents with whom I stayed to learn one or two things more for 3 months and then he sets me up by getting a small shop for me and gave me some goods from the store to start with.
Relocation
For three years I was doing the business in the same town where my father resides and is doing his business.
However, before the expiration of the third year he has been asking me to leave the town for another town to go and establish myself there.
I moved to another town after the third year and started the business there.
When I got to this new town, as my business was gradually picking up, there is a lady that has picked interest in me and all I do. It was not long after that we started going out.
I can see from her eyes and her interaction with me that she really loves me.
Before we started our relationship, we used to discuss, and I have once told him that I was once a student of University of Lagba. She was happy to know that I have university experience. She did not ask me further questions other than assuming that it was the situation of the republic that has forced me to start the business I am doing.
When we become romantically involved, having determined to stay by me come whatever, she started telling me that I should dust my certificate and apply for a job that she will connect me with people who matter in the republic and that I will secure job, befitting one that I will like which will give me ample opportunity of taking care of her more than as I was doing.
I have been telling her that such does not matter that the business would give me time and money without looking over my shoulders to take care of her and she seems to have been contented with what I said unto her then.
Effect of Meltdown
It was saddened to note that meltdown has affected our nation and republic and it is like a canker-worm and epidemic that is spreading fast. The authorities perhaps because they do not want the citizens to panic neither overact started lying that the republic is immune against meltdown, but how erroneous they are as the meltdown has hit every sector of the economy such that by seconds businesses are packing up all over the republic and many jobless are roaming the streets of the republic with urchins growing by the seconds.
What has never been heard of in the times past are being heard of during this recession and meltdown as a family man would go to the market and take 5 kilograms of Semolina and started running. The seller started shouting “Olè! Olè!! Olè!!!” which means “Thief!!!” when this man was apprehended, he said none of the members of his family has eaten a thing for the past three days. I don’t like to do this, but I cannot stand it any longer that was why I come today, that if I would be killed it would be better other than not doing anything to save my family, “I cannot stand to see them suffer again”, he said.
As he was being interrogated so do we hear from other parts of the market where another old woman took some things and hide it but unknown to her she has been seen by another market woman whose shop is close to the shop of the woman. After talking a while with the woman who owns the shop, she said she will come back, but unknown to her that she has taken one of the products. When she was about to leave that was when the woman who saw her call her back and asked her to untie her wrapper, she did not want to do it, but the woman forced the clothes off her and they saw what she had stolen. She started pleading with them that they should have mercy on her, that she is a widow and had 3 children. She has just been laid off at the private company where she was working with. That day was the fourth day that she and her children have been drinking water alone. She cannot continue to look at them like that that was why she took her life into her hands to do what she did.
Everyone on hearing her pitied her and started cursing the government in place. The woman eventually gave her the product she stole as well as adding other things to it, while some other people also have compassion on her and gave her money.
The man who stole the semolina too was let off and there are people who had compassion on him too but cautioned him not to do like that again because everyone is involved in this.
A person among them said this will teach all of us a lesson “that we should always be mindful of those whom we will vote for, histories, antecedents cannot change overnight, when we know the history of someone but who promises that he has changed, we ought to ask ourselves that has he left the world to heaven? Was it that he has been re-born?”
“That is well said” another man said. “When we were talking about the person everyone says such cannot happen, we are just at the beginning of this”, he concluded
“In as much as I want to agree with you,” a woman among them started saying, “I want you to know that our votes do not negate the votes of others within the republic, this you must know, because if you can pause for a moment you will recall that in this town, this present crop of leaderships, their candidates neither did their party win in this town”
“That is true, that is the effect of wrong voting. We may vote for good people in our town, but what of other towns? The vote from other towns could negate ours, as it has happened now and we all are bearing the burden, the suffering, may the originators of this land save us from these people,” the young man enthused.
They continued to speak about the politics of the land, not minding that they were in sun, they were all perspiring but they did not leave, they continue to speak and started narrating what they are hearing and what they are seeing happening in their neighborhood in the wake of the assumption of leadership of the present ruler at the center.
This meltdown also had negative effect on my business as the business I thought was growing before wasn’t growing again and me who could afford to spend #3,000:00 ($8:00) on my spouse could not even make a sales of #300:00 ($1:00) a day.
My spouse, Eggin, who used to come to my shop daily noticed this and discovered that most of the times she will have to part with some meagre money on her to support me couldn’t but raise it again that my love you need to dust out your certificate and apply for a job, this would save you, me and everyone from embarrassment that you daily face. “How long will you continue like this? Who will understand with you?”
What she said pricked my heart, and I know that she will continue to raise this issue much so that she has siblings at top government positions in the republic. I started to muse to myself, “what can I do now? Me who do not have certificate? How do I tell her that I do not finish from University?” I replied that I heard her that I will give it a serious consideration, just to take her mind off the subject so that we shall shift the discussion to another topic. But honestly speaking to myself, which other consideration can I give this?
Eggin replied that “you better do that, it is high time we know that we need to act fast so that we will not be left behind by the wave of development in the world”. I pulled her to myself and speak into her ears, “your dimple makes you exceptionally beautiful”. “Thanks for saying that” she said smiling, let the stories stop and let us act when we still can.
I have been cooking up stories to dodge this suggestion and offer of hers that I should apply for a government job with my certificate. But with the trend of things in the nation now it is becoming clearer that I won’t be able to hold her off with my fabricated stories.
I love her, I do not want to lose her, but I am afraid of how to divulge this worrying past of my life unto her.
Contacting A Friend
After that day’s affairs she left me for her place. I couldn’t help thinking about what she said because she is now serious more than before on this issue. I was on this thought until sleep caught me into the world of the unknown. My dream wasn’t so pleasant as I discovered that I was fleeing from my shadows in the dream. Shadow cannot be fled from, shadow will follow you to wherever you are going someone says to me in my dream.
When I woke up the following day, I couldn’t help but think about what I heard in the dream and something comes to my mind that I should send someone to my fiancée. After giving this a thorough thought I decided to call one of my friends whom she likes very well, to tell him what I have been passing through with her and how he would help me out.
I dialed Studey’s number it rang but he did not answer the call. Five minutes after I called, Studey called back and I told him that I have an important matter to discuss with him that we need to see. He told me that he would be coming to my area shortly.
When he arrived, I told him what has been happening between Eggin and me and that the economic meltdown is making the situation to escalate. It is certain that I cannot hold her off again and I want her to help me talk to her about what has happened to me in the past.
Studey wasn’t comfortable of what I asked him to do, he was of the opinion that I should damn the consequences and tell her what has happened before. “You keeping this to yourself since you have become romantically involved with each other is not good, I wouldn’t know how she would approve this” Studey says.
I said I now know my error and it is regrettable, and that is why I am contacting him because I know she respects him and likes him and would listen to what he has to say about this.
Studey promised to do his best in reaching out to her, but whatever it is the case is, only God can say what the outcome of this would be, because if it is me that my fiancée fails to tell her past, I won’t take it lightly, for all you know she may have been bragging around you’re your past, a graduate who is into business.
I profusely appreciated him for daring to take the step for me, because my fiancée could as well turn the table against him when he gets to her, saying he is the one who has supported me to lie to her.
He replied that he did not think that would happen, but if eventually something like that happens and she thinks that he is the one who told me to lie to her and by that eventually withdraws the services of her love from me, it is me who won’t allow the repeat of such when I eventually come across another lady.
Paid Her A Visit
On getting to Eggin’s place, he discovered that she has a visitor, he thus hanged around till she finished with her visitor. From what he saw on her face, he noticed that she was not happy, she was looking down-casted but he said he didn’t want to make assumption on what could have necessitated that.
Soon enough she finished her discussion with her friend, and saw her off and returned to where my friend was.
"Ẹ ku ọjọ mẹta sir,” Long time sir.” she asked as she uses her palms on both hands to pack together her skirt, straightening it as she sits by Studey’s side.
“It is quite an age oh. Official duties have been preventing me from coming by these days unlike before”
“That is how it used to be when one’s status is changing more responsibilities would be added which would begin to choke one’s time”
“That is it. It is contrary to the belief that the higher we go the cooler it becomes as we usually say and learnt in Geography those days” Studey replied re-adjusting himself on the seat.
“That is it oh. Sorry sir for asking this lately, how is sister Tola?” (Tola happens to be Studey’s fiancée.) she said joining her ten fingers together to make a knuckle which she spreads forward to show a sign of apology for not asking of his fiancée before she talks about anything.
“Oh, you shouldn’t mention that. Apology accepted. She is doing great at her school. Thanks for asking about her. That reminds me, she told me to ask you that it is quite a while that she hears from you last that she hopes you are not miff with her”
"Uhm! Ija kẹ? Fight or what? Nothing like that sir. It is the situation of the republic that has handcuffed me, restricting my movements”, Eggin replied.
“What is happening now is serious, it touches all and sundry. It is my earnest prayers that God sees us through this terrible time and give us resounding testimonies even during these times in Jesus name”
Amen" we chorused together.
“If I may sir?”
“What is that?”
“What do you like I offer you uncle?”
"Uhm! Am I a stranger here? I ..."
Interjecting Studey, “None the less, I still have to offer you something, when last did we see last? Is it not because it has taken a while that we see last that is making sister Tola to say it may be that I am annoyed with her?”
“Alright ma. At your insistence, whatever you have, I will receive it with an appreciating heart”
“Okay then” she said, as she rises to her feet, “you won’t mind me, small girl like me what I will offer you today, it is nothing compared to what your subjects are offering you oh”, smiling as she said this and walks to a corner where her micro-refrigerator is and take out of there three cans of Amstel Malt. She closes the fridge back, takes a serving tray, placed them on it and was walking towards where Studey sits
“I hope these are not meant for only me”
“No, they are not.”
“Alright”
“Two for you”
“The third one is for whom then?
“Thanks for asking sir”, she gets to my place draw a stool placed them on the stool, sits down and continues, “the third one you will help me sister Tola, while I will also take one”, she replied
“Okay then. You ladies you know how to take care of yourselves”
“Isn’t that the same with you?”
“Can’t say a word to that”
“Well, whatever, just don’t mind us, when fiancées of two friends like themselves, their spouses who are also friends would be happy because the existing friendship and love between both of them would keep flowing towards one another, it would be revolving in a circular format”
“Uhm. To this, I also agree” Studey said
“May I open one for you sir?”
“Don’t mind, I would open it myself.” He draws the stool to himself, take one of the Amstel Malta and opened it, dipped one of the straws into it and started sipping while she opened hers too, dipped a straw in it and she starts to sip it.
Studey sighed heavily, cleared his throat and opened the matter for which he has come to pay her visit that day.
After he finished his words, Eggin was silent for a while looking down, looking at her feet she was obviously subsumed in her thought thinking about what she would say. Studey was looking at her expecting her to react on what he has said. After about two minutes, she started talking to Studey.
“I would ordinarily have found what have said hard to believe since he has not told me any of sort before, because I know when one becomes romantically involved with someone, the person ought to open his or her pasts to her or his partner, irrespective of how ugly the pasts have been and would leave it at the courts of her or his partner to decide whether or not to continue with the journey with the person. I did not find what you have said hard to believe because most recently “my ears have been full” as I keep on hearing several words about my fiancé here and there, and all of those words are centered on what you have just confirmed that he did not finish from the University he attended. Those people however admitted that he did started his academics in the university and was one of the brilliant students of his department till the tides of things changed for him and he was eventually asked to toe another path in life. So many things were said by them.” She sighed, use her left index finger to clear the lower lid of her eyelid where droplets of tears are, breath in heavily to prevent the mucus that wants to come out of her nostrils from coming out, and then she continued. I was however, not keeping all of those to mind because I know rumors could be added to or subtracted from and I was thinking that considering his age and how he interacts with people, he may have left for another institution to complete his degree without those one’s knowledge. But when the rumors keep growing such that one of the partners of someone who has proposed to me before but whom I turned down his love advances told me that the person I was involved with never finished from a University that he was lying to me, that do I want to settle down with a failure? He said that I should know that the world is changing from the ancient ways and education is the key thing now. I told him that I thank him for what he has said, but that I would not for what he has said start relationship with his friend, that if I do not marry Seglo, I will go with someone else but not his friend, that was when he left me in shame.
“Uhm”
“After the discussion with this person that was when I started pressurizing your friend that he should go and dust out his certificate and use it to apply for a government job, that I volunteer to assist him, to give his resume to my siblings who are placed at positions of authorities.” Pulling back into the nasal cavities the mucus again, she continued, “when it seems as if he does not want to yield to my pressure I decided to change my tone, that if he fails to come forward with what I said, for I know as the trend of things are on going in the republic with economic meltdown and recession, I know the time we hope to solemnize everything would be a mirage after all, that was when I said, I would leave him if he did not yield to what I am suggesting, for it means if he cannot yield to my suggestion when we are dating, when my love is supposedly to have covered his eyes such that he wouldn’t see clearly then when we get involved he will not value me. All of this I did say because I am expecting him to come forward himself, to tell me the truth, at least the person who will see one’s nakedness when one is dead one does not need to hide one’s body from the person.”
“I see” Studey was expecting him to say other things but she did not, and he thence pleaded with her not to take the step she wants to take because he doesn’t know how to tell you, he does not know how you will react to it that is why he did not come out. “He loves you deeply, Eggin, he doesn’t want to lose you.”
“Heh? Love of what? I do not think he loves me oh, for if he does, he should have told me this himself, for who knows maybe it is all a fluke too that he has no girlfriends elsewhere….”
“Ha-Ha-Ha! Sister Eggin. A person who has girlfriends at other places cannot hide himself for that long”
“Uhm?”
“Now, if he has been doing that, as his academic stigma has been revealed in the same vein would those people have revealed those people to you”
“Okay. Let us assume he is clear and clean in other things, then tell him for me that in as much as I accept your person, I still want him to tell me himself else he should forget all about me” Eggin said on a matter of finality.
Fear of Unknown
Their deliberation was ended as Eggin told my friend to ensure that he gives the Amstel malt to his spouse to show that she is in no way annoyed with her and she also promised to give her a call when she buys credit.
Eggin saw Studey off returned to her room and sat on a sofa subsumed in her thoughts, “for heavens sake, why did my one and only decide not to tell me the truth about his academics? Why has he maintained his lies on this for this while? I do not think he would have come forth with this if I have not been confronted by people about his past. Uhm! Men's hearts... Does he think if he opens the matter to me I wouldn’t have accepted him? Uhm! I guess that was what has been happening to him according to what his friend just said..., but, (as she re-adjusts herself on the sofa) I have loved him with my all, irrespective of his status, I wouldn’t be too sure if my knowing would have changed the situation, I mean my love for him, because I loved him with my entirety before he proposed and I still love him and will keep loving him. The secrets about him that was revealed by those people made me love him the more, because life is full of ups and downs, it is those whose problems that we know today that we are talking about, who knows what the problems of those who are talking are? Theirs’ maybe higher and stronger than his’. Theirs’ may not manifest now, but would come into the open in the future, my parents used to say each person would pass through one or more terrible things in life, bearing their yokes and the early the better they used to say.... I doubt if I have ever loved anyone as him since the day I started having feelings for opposite sex. Uhm! Can I again blame him? I do not so think. A man above 35 years without a spouse when he is not aspiring to be a Reverend Father. Many of his agemates have married for the past 10 or more years and are living with their children. Some have become big people, in the society, controlling companies and according to the few pasts he has disclosed to me.
I wouldn’t know if he has other pasts apart from this, maybe he has other girlfriends elsewhere, but based on what he shared with me as per that, his former fiancée left him unceremoniously when she discovered that she couldn’t make progress academically and all attempts at getting another female partner who will love him for whom he is, proved abortive for the past 8 or more years... but I think he ought to know that people differ, how we view things differ, because some ladies have turned him down, that does not mean there wont be someone somewhere like myself who will accept him, accepting him even as he is...The fear of unknown at work. Quite a pity! Its disheartening and disturbing!
Now that I have known, deep within me, do I still want to continue with him? Can I yet continue to love him as before? As Pastors would ask during the exchange of marital vows, “can I close my eyes to others and continue to love him without wavering? Would I continue to respect him as I have been doing before knowing this secret about him? Assuming, an opportunity or opportunities now opens requiring his certificate, will I not start blaming myself for making him my choice? I can still retrace my steps of loving him now if I will blame myself in the future. I think if I would blame myself for any reason in the future for taken this step, it is better I back out and back off now for there hasn’t been any deep involvement than necessary....”
But as my mind is talking to me, I do not so think, I would regret this action. I know afore now that my love for him has nothing to do with his certificates, maybe because I have not asked, maybe because I have assumed that he should have some qualifications considering how he speaks English fluently, considering how he interacts with the learned, considering his many posts on social media... maybe that was why I assumable assume that he should have possessed some degrees outside secondary school certificate.
But I recall that some people who have talked to us about marriage do tell us that we should not look at certificates, how many degrees has he or she possess before being involved with the person. But how come that my heart is troubled of this of late? Oh! Oh! I see I fear for the future. Its because the world is changing and that very fast too, the world isn’t like before, now even if one will be a carpenter, a professional carpenter who will have impact, whom the government officials will recognise, such a one is expected to possess some certificates. Why? Why is There much ado about this certificate issue "gan sef”? As this thought is bothering me, I know something akin to this will also be bothering some bachelors and spinsters like myself.
Some bachelor and bachelorette would likely be at a cross road like me, not knowing which mortar to put their dried okro into for grounding. My fear is based on this certificate because of the future, I fear for the future in case there is offer somewhere where certificate is required. Before now, I have been thinking that love should silence all this, but one of my closest friends who got married about four years back, her experience with her spouse after marriage weighs me down.
My Friend’s Experience
What my thought before now has been is that Love should silence what is now bothering my mind. I remembered one of my closest friends, Friesdy, who got married about four years ago to her heart throb of the experience she shared with me. Friesdy met her heartbeat during our compulsory service to our republic. Prior going for this compulsory service, we were both singularly single without attachment to anyone from our days as undergraduate till when we left for the compulsory service. It was at the training ground during the camping session that my friend got her love, the love they have for each other then was so burning, so intense, so practical that almost everyone who knew them at the camping site said they must have been seeing each other before they got to the camp.
But am positive that that my friend had no one before we graduate, this is because we are very close friends everyone calls us twins on campus, she can't do a thing without informing me, ditto for me, this is why I can confidently say she wasn’t engaged to anyone prior to meeting her love at camp. It wasn’t that we were without suitors, nope! But it was because we “sha” couldn’t settle for any of them. So, when my friend got hers at the camp, their love was that of “ẹni maku pade ẹni ma pa”, the person who has it in mind to die meets someone who will kill him or say snail and its shell that was why people feel, well love couldn’t be as sudden as that, that they must have met somewhere before, they perhaps must have been secretly dating each other before, they may have met on any of the social media or any of the dating sites and fell headlong in love for each other in the instantly, some opined, but I am positive that none of this happened because the numbers of friends my friend has on the social media were limited and restricted then and till this moment.
I believe God helped their burning love to keep burning until they solemnized everything about four years ago, which was immediately after our compulsory service.
However, as burning as their love for each other was, when they started living together and they were jobless, they decided that they should stay idle, watching, they started business together with the money on them. But they discovered that the business wasn’t as productive as they thought because business needs patience. This they did not know before adventuring into the business world it was after they started that they started to learn, and it is always difficult to learn like that.
When the business wasn’t yielding dividends as they had hoped it would happen, they started arguing over small things at home, what they ordinarily wouldn’t argue over assuming they are gainfully employed are being argued on. Thus, when my friend and I were talking she told me that from the little experience that she has gotten in love matters, love without money may end in disaster is care is not taken.
This shared experience of hers, I guessed has strong impact on my heart such that I want to guide against such occurrence, it is a fool that learns from his mistakes, but a wise person learns from other people’s mistakes. But since my spouse is into business, I thought this need not affect me, but I was grossly mistaken as it is telling on me.
Be that as it may, deep within me I “sha” know that I love him and I do not want to let him go, no not now.
His Friend Briefed Him
After Mr. Studey discussed with Eggin he left for his friend’s place and told him what their discussion was about. Mr. Seglo asked him what he suggests he do. Mr. Studey told him that from what he sees from his interaction with her, he discovers that the lady still loves him and that she should go and discuss with her what necessitates the action he took, why he has kept the matter close to his chests all this while.
Seglo profusely thank his friend for taking the pain to help him talk to her. After he has left him, he called her and they arranged for meeting.
She Accepted Him
When he sees her, he told her everything that happened to him while he was in the university and what the outcome eventually was. It was for the love he has for her that has been pulling him back from telling him because he does not want to lose her, but since economic meltdown has forced him now, he has no place to run away from, he cannot run from his shadow any longer. “Even if you will decide not to go down the road with me again, I wouldn’t blame you for that, what I however wish you know is that this has taught me a lesson and whomsoever comes my path if you leave, I will let her know from the outset this ugly past of my life” he conclusively said.
Eggin accepted him as he is, and told him that it is in her strong believe from her interactions with him that he can still earn a certificate if he so desires for there are part-time studies here and there and he can study a course that is not strenuous, by doing this he would have put the enemies to shame, the enemies who do not want him to earn a certificate and this wouldn’t affect his other aspects of life, he would be married with children that she, Eggin would be taken care of and it would be her utmost joy seeing him achieve the feat that the enemies do not want him to achieve in life. “I am beside you as a supporter as someone who will assist you in ensuring that your dreams come to fulfillment, in seeing that all lost grounds be covered and recovered” she said. “all this that I have said is largely dependent on you for your mind has an important part to play in this project, my love, I want you to know that one can fall as many times as possible on the path to success, but what one must do which essentially would make one a failure is when one remains down, when one fails to rise up from where the storms of the world has knocked one down to, one would remain a failure and would live his life in misery, live his life in sorrow, living an unfulfilled life when one sees others doing what one knows one can do and do best.” Seglo keeps looking when she, Eggin keeps talking encouraging him. “Let us try as best as we can to forget the past, I want you to forget the past and forge ahead, pick it up from where it has fallen off your hand and run the race to finish, I believe all the prayers you have prayed, all the fasting, all the deliverance sessions you have passed through prepares you for now, and the now is here, you cannot fail anymore.”
“I do not know what to say”, says Seglo, “you have beat my imaginations in all facets, because I was thinking you would leave me, and turn me to an object of ridicule that was why I have refrained myself from bringing this to you, but you have proved me wrong and have beats me hands down. Maybe if I had told you this earlier, I may even have started a part-time course by now, but it is better to be late than never. Thank you, my God, given one, you are an angel sent to me, someone who wants my dream to really come to pass in life. Someone designed by God to ensure that my dream comes true, that the enemies do not shout “Ha-Ha, Ha-Ha, we have overcome him” He left where he was and embraced her, speaking gently to her ear, “thank you, God bless you, and may all your endeavors become a success in Jesus name, you will never experience failure in life in Jesus name”. he said to her.
“Amen” she replied her.
He did not open his shop that day, he used the day to celebrate her, to celebrate his victory, because he knew that his has won a major battle in ensuring that he becomes someone in life.
A year after this they got married and he started his part-time course in a university nearby, by the end of the fifth year, he finished the degree. It was a memorable day for his family, his siblings and parents because he achieved what he thought he wouldn’t be able to achieve.
After this he proceeded for his master’s degree while his wife was about to finish her Ph.D.
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