Mrs Paul brought a case to me, as her pastor... Her daughter is married to a young man full of life and activities. But since her daughter became pregnant for her hubby, this young man has not been treating his wife well, such that on some occasions he would beat the lady, despite the fact that he knows that the lady is pregnant. The guy's family on several occasions has wade into this, persuading the young lady to endure, because "it is a lady/woman who endures that would reap the reward of her hubby", they will say. Thus, Mrs Paul’s daughter keeps on enduring. But this man would not stop maltreating the lady despite her new physiological status.
At a particular instance, during one of such maltreatment that the people wade in to their affair and while talking to the lady, someone says, “if a lady has not been to two husbands houses she would not know which one is better”, obviously saying that if she leaves the man’s house she would not know what she would meet at the house of another man that she would be married to. This word made Mrs. Paul’s daughter pensive.
However, Mrs. Paul’s daughter when she was young, she heard of what happened to one of her niece who divorced her hubby, all that the woman passed through she did not like it, because of this, Mrs. Paul’s daughter has made a vow when she was young that she would not divorce the person she marries to in life, but with what she was passing through she did not know what to do. She kept on enduring this unthinkable from her one time love.
Everyone hopes and prays that the husband of Mrs. Paul’s daughter would change, but their prayers are yet to be answered because the man invariable he has not changed, this essentially was what brought Mrs. Paul to me...
Mrs. Paul’s daughter gave birth to a baby not long ago, she is yet breastfeeding the baby, but, a problem arose, the problem was not family issue but it has to do with the nursing mother, because Mrs. Paul’s daughter has been found to come down with chills and rigour, and she is suspecting it to be malaria.
The situation of this woman was not hidden to her husband but despite the fact that he knows that her wife is suffering from malaria, he still expects her wife to be doing all she was doing when she was hale and hearty. This woman’s complaints was not accepted by the man because he cannot be rising up early to give her wife a helping hand, supporting her and ensuring that she gets the necessary medical attention that would lead to the woman’s health restoration.
People were looking at Mrs. Paul’s daughter’s husband and saying what kind of man is this who has been nonchalant towards his wife’s health?
The situation became worrisome because the man eventually locked out his wife out of their apartment saying he cannot cope with a sick woman.
Mrs. Paul’s daughter could not fathom this, she chartered a taxi to her mother’s place with her child. When her mom saw her she felt sorry for her. She took in her daughter and started taking care of her and her child.
Friends told Mrs. Paul to call her daughter’s husband and talk with him. When this man's cell number was called he would not answer the call neither does he return home early.
As they were narrating this ordeal to me, some thoughts come to my mind that, "ẹnito lori ko ni fila, ẹnito ni fila, ko lori" (translation: a person who has head has no cap to put on it, while someone who has a cap does not have a head on which to put the cap).
"Was he forced into marrying your daughter", I asked Mrs. Paul.
"No, he was not" Mrs Paul replied, "But, if I may ask, why do you ask sir?" She inquired looking at my face.
"Uhmn!” I sighed, “I asked that question because of what came to my mind”, I replied her
“And what was that sir?” Mrs. Paul pleadingly asked me.
“What came to my mind is that, I think this guy was not prepared for marriage when he got married to your daughter, because assuming he was ready, I do not think he can be doing something like this", I told Mrs. Paul.
"Uhmn! Pastor", she said, "in as much as what you said may be partially true, but I want to say that, what of a Governor who beats his wife like a farmer removing wheats from the chaff or Honourables who turn their wives to yams to be pounded in a mortar, are they equally unprepared for marriage?" She asked, readjusting herself on the seat as she faces me.
"Ọrọ yẹn pakọsọ (translation: what you said has make me speechless)", I replied her adding, “this is because I used to think that it is those who have been forced into taken up a woman who could be maltreating a woman like this”….
Mrs. Paul sighed as I continued what I was saying.
“Ma, think about this, if a man has been looking for a woman for years without getting one to be married to do you think she can do such despicable things as those you have described to me to the woman who eventually agreed to be married to him?” Mrs. Paul couldn’t say a thing, then I say, “I do not think so. Sometimes those who do not suffer before they acquire something usually abuse such thing when they get it, but someone who has labored and toiled before getting something, such a one would know how to keep that thing, he or she would keep the thing like an egg, because he would always remember what he passed through before getting that thing…”
“Oh sir I think this is true, but he has come of age before he got married to my daughter, in fact he was 35 years old when he married my daughter when my daughter was 25 years old then. And I was thinking by the age difference between them he would be able to act as a man to view things differently, to act like father to my daughter and would be able to correct her in patience”, Mrs. Paul said.
“That is one of our errors ma, we used to think that age means maturity but far from it ma. Some are full of age but their actions can only be equated with that of children, in fact some children are better than they are in actions and deeds”, I replied Mrs. Paul.
“That is a sorry case sir. Since my husband’s death, I have been taking care of my daughter and I hardly beat her, she is a cool headed daughter, whatever I tell her she will do, everyone in the neighborhood can attest to her behavior and when people started hearing that her husband has turned her to punching bag, they could not but say something is amiss somewhere, but where we have gotten it wrong no one can pin point”, Mrs. Paul said wiping away tears from the angle of her eyes.
“Stop weeping” I said to Mrs. Paul. “I still believe the husband of your daughter is not psychologically unprepared for marriage when he got married to your daughter, I said this because any man who has been prepared what is coming would know that in living with people in life one needs great patience to live with somebody else. Having a job, being a graduate and all what not that we usually look at to say that someone is matured may not be totally true after all. Though these ought to have built the character of a man or woman, but sometimes such do not because attending lectures, signing documents in offices and other things like that is not the same as living with someone under the same roof.”, I conclusively said.
“What can I do now because I do not want any man to kill my daughter for me, she is the only daughter I have, my only child”, Mrs. Paul asked.
“As a pastor, what I will advise is let your daughter be staying with you for now as we intensify our prayers on her husband and I will take time to see him and talk to him, above all according to our faith, prayer is most desired now”, I concluded.
“Okay sir”, Mrs. Paul said as I prayed with her and reassuring her that everything will work out well but we will need patience too…. After this she left my office
Comments